Recently, . . . at the Bahnhof

Recently, I was talking to my sponsor and I said that I have to figure out how to start writing again. He looked at me in the ways only a smart aleck old man from New York can and said: "The more important question is why you ever stopped."

So - that is what I am here doing today - starting to figure out how to write again - because that is what I NEED to do. It is NOT what I WANT to do - it is what I need to do.

I am not sure where / how to find the discipline or what that means. But, I know, like working out - there is a discipline to writing. There is also a give and take and a flow. There is a process that is like water that will wear down whatever resistance there is, even if it takes a long, long time. Audre Lorde said you have to write every day and you have to keep each and everything you ever write - because you don't know when it may be useful.

I love writing, but some times I don't know how to express my love through writing. I just know that I do.

Writing is like a Bahnhof, though, - there are many logistics involved. Trains come in and out of the station. They have their own thoughts, their own passengers and it is important to know what kind of a station that you have.

I definitely have an end-station, not just a passing through station.  A station where I can pay attention and take my time unloading and loading certain trains. For sure, there are times and ways that I can certainly indulge my fantasies and take lots of time unloading the train, mulling over its contents and thoroughly tasting every last bit of the dining car. There are other times, though, when I don't control the conductor and its time to blow the whistle and get that train back on the tracks chugging towards its next destinations.

Some times, it is important to just write - but on days like today when I think about the Bahnhof, I am pulled in a thousand different directions. What is really important ? Should I ACT on my thoughts or just let them flow like the leaves on the sweet peaceful river, not the raging tide that drives the water to the sea through deep channels and cliffs. But, just observe the thoughts - see which ones are pretty.